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| Tuesday, September 5, 2006 |
| Getting out what you put in: Part II |
It occurred to me on the way home from work today just how much poor communication skills have affected me. Perhaps the pain its caused me in the past is why it seems so important to me now. Ive lost a best friend because she didnt tell me that I had done something to upset her till it was too late and she opted to cut ties with me. Before that it cost me my first love, because I didnt talk to him like I should have. And when I did things came out wrong. Then before both of those it had a part to play in the length of time I spent in an abusive relationship.
True communication was only part of what went wrong. If you ask my mom she disagrees with my comment regarding the abusive relationship, but then again she really wasnt there to see it. When something falls apart it is very rare that blame can be placed on one person. There were faults on both sides of the above situations, it still hurts though. Always thinking in the back of my mind that there was something I could have said or done to better the situation. Be more pro-active!
Since then I always pay more attention to my communication skills and others, knowing that if I dont say anything its my own fault. I cant expect someone to come up to me and ask if Im ok, only then telling them whats wrong. I need to be open and honest if I disagree with something, though not to the point of being rude, which can be a tough line to judge. There has been many times where I wish I could say everything I think, but know all to well that the backlash wouldnt be worth the verbal freedom.
Saying 1: Please tell me if Ive done something to upset you. I cant make it right if you dont tell me Ive done something wrong.
Saying 2: If you dont make an effort to change what you dont like, then you have no room for complaints. (My mom says something similar when I have headaches, if you opt not to take anything for it I dont want to hear about it.)
I just hate making the same mistake twice, or watching those I care about make the same ones I made. Then again things always look different when youre standing on the outside looking in. |
posted by Heidi @ 11:42 AM  |
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| Getting out what you put in |
Weddings are packed with lessons to be learned, it's like a final exam in so many ways. Not only are you tested in your time management skills and ability to plan but it's also a very big lesson in communication. Something that my best friend and the inner circle of her wedding are discovering (aka bride, groom, parents & coordinator). Sadly it's too late for some of the issues that have come-up now that the wedding is just a month away. Issues for the most part which could have been avoided if the inner circle simply communicated better then they did.
The most important line of communication is between the Bride and Groom, it's their wedding and as long as those two are happy that's all that matters (in my opinion since it is all about them to begin with). Some groom's could careless about the details of a wedding, but if he does care he needs to let his future bride know that he wants to be included in every step of the planning. As long as the two stand together in their decision nothing too bad could happen. I have met very few guys who are involved so deeply with their big day, and I'm 100% for it as it's a reflection of the two of you. Not just her dream. Besides it's a great way to start out your life together planning something so major, especially when it comes to compromising on some things which is a given for the most part. If you can master the ability to compromise when it comes to invitations and seating arrangements figuring out if the toilet seat needs to be kept up or down will be vastly easier.
When is comes to communication you get out what you put in. If you have an issue as a member of the inner circle it's up to you to voice it to the one you have an issue with. Should you choose to keep your comment to yourself then you have no one to blame but yourself. For example if you have an allergy to roses as the Groom's Mother. The Bride says she's ordered rose corsages for both Honored Mothers and you say nothing. Come the day of the wedding when she sees you all stuffed up, or you refuse to put the corsage on informing her of your allergy you have no one to blame but yourself. It's not your right to put the blame on her because you assumed she knew about your allergy and chose to ignore it. Changing a flower order 2 days after you made it is vastly simpler then and come the wedding day everyone is the better for it.
Never believe that it's too late for anything, even if it is you should still keep the lines of communication open. Let someone know if you feel hurt and overlooked in something, even if the result couldn't be changed it's never too late for an apology. And you'd be amazed at what can be altered last minute in an attempt to make someone happy.
- H.
P.S. Little side vents/comments from my point of view: 1) If it's not your $ being spent you have limited room for complaints unless you're willing to put your own money towards it [I so sound like my Dad]. 2) If something bothers you now and can't be changed don't even think about complaining about it during the whole wedding unless you're ok with getting your ass kicked by me if you make the bride cry on her wedding day. 3) Everything is extra the single most important thing when it comes to a wedding is that two people are joining their lives. Aside from that who cares if the florist sent the wrong flowers. |
| posted by Heidi @ 11:42 AM |
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