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| Tuesday, September 5, 2006 |
| Getting out what you put in: Part II |
It occurred to me on the way home from work today just how much poor communication skills have affected me. Perhaps the pain its caused me in the past is why it seems so important to me now. Ive lost a best friend because she didnt tell me that I had done something to upset her till it was too late and she opted to cut ties with me. Before that it cost me my first love, because I didnt talk to him like I should have. And when I did things came out wrong. Then before both of those it had a part to play in the length of time I spent in an abusive relationship.
True communication was only part of what went wrong. If you ask my mom she disagrees with my comment regarding the abusive relationship, but then again she really wasnt there to see it. When something falls apart it is very rare that blame can be placed on one person. There were faults on both sides of the above situations, it still hurts though. Always thinking in the back of my mind that there was something I could have said or done to better the situation. Be more pro-active!
Since then I always pay more attention to my communication skills and others, knowing that if I dont say anything its my own fault. I cant expect someone to come up to me and ask if Im ok, only then telling them whats wrong. I need to be open and honest if I disagree with something, though not to the point of being rude, which can be a tough line to judge. There has been many times where I wish I could say everything I think, but know all to well that the backlash wouldnt be worth the verbal freedom.
Saying 1: Please tell me if Ive done something to upset you. I cant make it right if you dont tell me Ive done something wrong.
Saying 2: If you dont make an effort to change what you dont like, then you have no room for complaints. (My mom says something similar when I have headaches, if you opt not to take anything for it I dont want to hear about it.)
I just hate making the same mistake twice, or watching those I care about make the same ones I made. Then again things always look different when youre standing on the outside looking in. |
posted by Heidi @ 11:42 AM  |
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